I Am A New Mom

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to become a mommy is the largest dream of most women. once i married in august, i expected myself to conceive as soon as possible. but it just happened after 5 months of my marriage.

but now, for the next one, i’m gonna go for family planning.

i just get this awareness as soon as i had my own child. at least for me, to be a parent is not as easy as having a child. unmarried couples also able to have babies, but most of them never become parents to the children they deliver. parenting, in my opinion previously, is only a common sense. however, with the arrival of Mr. Hafiy, my perspective changed drastically. to me, it is not about to grow a child up, but to nurture him, to become a person with high quality, at least better than us. i read about an ancient civilization (can’t remember which), in their social hierarchy, a son should be better than his father, in term of job they occupied. example, if the father is a pemotong kayu, the child could be a carpenter. thus, the next generation would be more pakar than the previous ones.

all this while, i ONLY read about childcare e.g. how to bathe a baby, how to clean a baby, how to feed a baby, etc. but i almost forgot about non-physical care i.e. educating & nourishing young brain, etc. i heard about ‘one is parenting the way she is parented’. i guess, yes. even before i have my own child, i used the same approach my mom did to me, when dealing with my younger brother. school holiday with me never be a pleasant one, he have to do revision, & start to study for the next year’s subjects. this called parenting autopilot. cos it is driven without my preparation, even without my consciousness.

for my son, i try to control my parenting autopilot. i want to be as conscious as possible, so that i’ll able to watch him and chart his development, and most importantly, i would know what i do for him, and that is what i want to do, not what i’m accidentally did. and this one, i have to start as soon as possible, because i don’t know when his brain starts to process what he sees, and i take it as ‘since birth, he sees me’.

some key points that i put on practice. (i guess i wanna share it with all mommies, for their personal opinion & share their personal practice)

1. watch our word
as a ex-teenager who have friends from all species, i am really into an easy-going kind of life. sometimes i used the words like “d*mn”, “cr*p”, “oh, sh*t”, etc. to express my unsatisfactory. now i don’t want my kids to use those words. then i stop using those, instead put “astaghfirullahal’aziem” in all situation.

i also noticed that, everytime i mention bad things about my son, it’ll happen eventually, immediately. say, i babble to someone about his perangai nangis tak berenti sampai tak tido malam, that coming nite he’ll be exactly like what i babbled before. yes, now i admit that, everyword from a mother need to be filtered, especially bad things.

so? instead of babbling around, i ‘convert’ it into prayer, may our sleep tonite is a good & quality one.

2. watch our action
a little kid’s mind may have tendency to copy his parents’ act. thus, we cut our not-so-good habits and replace them with the better ones, especially in stress management. when a little child sees how we manage our stress, he’ll make copy. and don’t be surprise if a child likes to scold and make a mess, if it’s the way how you manage your stress.

during the early days especially during confinement, i was so fail in handling stress. especially when involving my cry-all-the-time boy. sometimes i channel it to him. poor boy. but recently, when he cries unstoppable in the middle of the nite, i take it positively and enjoy it as much as possible. i can read books (if i’m not that sleepy) & watch TV while cradling him.

3. appreciate his feelings
as young infant, the only way he can express his feelings is thru signals. and the most popular signal of his is by crying. previously, his crying could drive me mad, and of course i release my anger on him. but recently i learned that, he has right to cry. he has right to feel discontented. he has right to feel unhappy. and he has right to get what he wants. everytime he frown his face (as a sign before he starts scream), i would say “oh honey, you’ll look better if you smile”. sometimes it works if he wants to cry because of boredom. but it doesn’t work for other reasons like wet diaper, tiredness, or he’s sleepy.

sometimes he cries for no reason. already fed, diaper changed, etc. but i don’t simply get mad or say “stop crying!”. instead, i take him for a light walk and talk to him. some elders complaint about this “jgn ajar anak berdukung, nanti susah nak tinggal2”. but for me, it is the way to soothe my son, and the way i appreciate him. he might want to has a walk, exploring things around him (as his sight becomes better recently). i can make him sleep by putting him inside his cradle, but at the same time i ignore his feeling, and i break his self-esteem.

4. encourage him
my son starts to make some sounds. definitely i don’t understand what he says. but i talk to him like he understand me & i understand him. when i talk to him, then he says “oh”, “ah”, “eek”, i’ll repeat it into words, e.g. Me: so you wanna go back to our Miri house? Him: ah Me: oh, you can’t wait to be in our house… good boy Him: eh Me: oh you want to fly there as soon as possible.. yada yada yada.

i can’t say whether this may encourage him to talk early, but at least for his age, i intro him to a conversation tat he will explore later by himself.

5. involve him in daily activities
he’s still small, so i just involve him in activities those i can hold him e.g. do my work on pc while breastfeeding him, put him on my lap while reading book, etc. i believe that, when he sees what his parents do since his early age, he’ll become familiar to and i hope it will be easier to intro him to books and computer later.

6. involve him in daily devotion
however, i’m still not taking him with me when i perform solat. i tried several times but he cried. maybe he’s too young and wonder ‘what my Mommy’s doing? why she puts me down here? why don’t she carry me?…’

instead, i do on other things, like recite al-matsurat to him every morning & evening, doa sebelum makan before breastfeed him & doa selepas makan after filling his up, use zikir as lullaby, etc.

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7. telling him “why” & provide solution
my son likes to suck his mitten/fingers. instead of pulling his hand down and say “tak boleh, tak boleh”, i pull his hand down and say “no, you can’t suck your mitten, got germs. if you like, you can do it on Mommy’s nenen, got milk”. yes, he doesn’t understand but as the time flies, he knows why i prohibit him from sucking his fingers.

a total “tak boleh” will leave him a question mark. ‘what is tak boleh? tak boleh suck mitten, or tak boleh suck, or tak boleh put my hand in my mouth or tak boleh move my hand or..?’. it might retard his interest to explore more things.

8. don’t push him & don’t compare
my friend’s son started to turn in his 2 month old of age. my son shows no slight development in his physical ability. he is just he same boy i knew a month ago. however, my boy is my boy. every child has its own developmental curve. i don’t mind if my boy is a bit late compared to other children in his age, as long as it is normal for an infant. unless, he doesn’t show any development after 4-5 months, i might have to check with his paed.

i celebrate him, everytime i notice he makes new things. especially when he looks at me and make new sounds. it doesn’t matter if he is a bit late, walking or talking, as long as he grows up as an excellent boy, from what i nourish him. cos what will be in his resume is his exam result, experience and activities, not when he started to talk or walk.

9. pray for him

this should be put at the point no 1 but i just wanna put it here. everytime after solat, i pray for him, and also for me so that i’m gonna be a good mom for him. as i said, every bad thing i mention about him, will be ‘blessed’, so i pray all the good things and stop mentioning bad things about my son. i notice that, for good things, i have to put all my attention but for bad things, even if while joking, it’ll still happen. how masin mulut Mommy…

it’s not easy for me to be a parent. as i was encouraged to read and learn about pregnancy even before i got pregnant, i guess, everybody should read and learn about parenting even before becoming a parent.

oh, it’s be never too late.

as for me, i..
– read more books and worldwideweb.
– get experts’ advice (experienced parents those can be role models).

– getting more organized to balance between work, friendship, husband & child.
berlapang dada with others. there’s many school of tots & we know what’s the best for us & our kids.

is there any mom who would like to share with me?

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15 responses to “I Am A New Mom”

  1. Fid Avatar
    Fid

    yup
    parenting…No university in the world can provide u this course..
    U must learn it by urself ur own way…ur experience…with ur belove kid(s)

  2. Ainul Avatar
    Ainul

    hi kaklina..saye klik pade link ym akak ni..tekejut tgk status tu..saya setuju dgn semua yg akak listkan tu(walaupun saye blum experience jadi mummy) tapi, better we take action as early as this..semoga hafiy cepat blaja dan jadi anak yg cerdik!

  3. ummi Avatar
    ummi

    there’s no 2 same children even if they’re siblings. you can read as many books as possible but the implementation part must be adapted to your situation. as you go along you’ll know. and as you go along too, you may have to change your style.

    i try as much as possible not to fall into this ‘rat-race’ trap. kesian budak2 darjah 1 lagi dah segala macam tuition kena pegi. let them be children because that’s what they are.

    as for the family planning, after the 3rd one May 2008, akak pun kena consider method yang efektif. cukuplah kuota kot. akak pun 34 dah tahun depan. nak ‘tutup kedai’ umur 35…

  4. mama ranggie Avatar
    mama ranggie

    kenyataan seorang ibu…

  5. cikdinz Avatar
    cikdinz

    itulah dia. semuanya ada hikmah. untuk menjadikan anak yg soleh/solehah, bermula dgn ibu bapa itu sendiri…..

  6. Dandelion Avatar
    Dandelion

    I really agree with u with all what u said. Sometimes not only from buku we could learn about parenting, but from ppl all around us pun kiter lagi sng boleh nampak dgn jelas contoh yang berlaku di depan mata kan.

  7. Leeds Al-Malique Avatar
    Leeds Al-Malique

    aku bertuah sbb sbg anak sulung, 6 org adik, yg kecik br 6 thn, aku dah biasa jaga baby and my idols in parenting are my parents. diorang tak de plak beli banyak2 buku parenting in the end we turned out ok.

    tapi zaman dah berubah. young and new generation parents mcm kita (aku belum la but soon, hehe)mmg makin terdedah dgn segala ilmu, and tak dpt mengelak utk sama2 terlibat dlm so called ‘rat race’,nak yg terbaik.

    apa2pun, anak2 adalah ibarat kain putih, tp skrang ni not only parents yg mencorakkan, suasana dan pengaruh persekitaran pun sama,yg penting bina jatidiri anak agar kt mana pun dia, insyallah leh survive.

    gud luck siti, keep sharing, dont be stress, enjoy the moment

  8. kakLuna Avatar
    kakLuna

    cukup tu…dh molek dan betul dah apa yg mommyA dah buat dan akan buat 🙂

  9. Lily Safiyya Avatar
    Lily Safiyya

    i agree with u mami hafiy…i also salute my sister coz she likes to talk and teach her son, adam. even she is a wroking mommy. now adam is only 1year & 10months old but he is like a 4y.o boy. he can sing and recite ‘doa’ even not in perfect pronunciation. he is very friendly and know how to respect elderly. when he saw older people he would call ‘atuk’. when he saw lorry he would say ’tilam, tilam, lama tukar baru. he knows most of the tv commercial..his favorite is yaakultt…when he saw mosque he will say ‘allahuakbar’..isn’t he is so sweet…hope that I can teach Lily Safiyya like that. And wish you a success too… 🙂

  10. mami hafiy Avatar
    mami hafiy

    k fid,
    tu la kak. setiap org tak sama cane cara dia. anak2 kita pun lain2 kan.

    ainul,
    haha. saja je boh status camtu kasik dramatik sket 😛

    sesapa pun bila dah jadi parents msti nk the best utk anak dia kan.

    ummi,
    yap ummi. setuju2. even my siblings pun semua kepala lain & xbole pakai same approach utk semua org.

    sy pon kalo bleh xmola paksa2 dia masuk dalam lumba tikus sbb nak compete dgn org lain. biar dia grow naturally, insya-Allah.

    hehe, tutup kedai dah 🙂

    mama ranggie,
    hehe. ye lah. seorang ibu yg baru2 bertatih.

    cikdinz,
    tol tu cikdinz. kalo makbapak tonggang tebalik, cemana nak ajar anak kan.

    ibarat ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan betul.

    ina,
    tu la. cemana pun, buku ke,org ke, experience sdr ke.. semua tu depen pada keadaan & situasi kita & anak2 kita kan. itu cuma utk additional info je, kita yg decide macamana. kang telalu nak perfek smpai menindas diri & anak2 plak.

    leeds,
    betul la tuh. aku rasa yg penting bknnye buku2 parenting ke apa, tp sejauh mana ikhlas & bersungguh mak tu nk tgk anak2 dia berjaya. kalo dia betul2 ikhlas & bersungguh, mesti dia didik betul2 & doa xputus2.

    (hehe. betul ke ape aku ckp ni :P)

  11. mami hafiy Avatar
    mami hafiy

    kakluna,
    nyehehehe. mcm terer je pulaks. 😛

    mama lily,
    wah pandainya ur nephew~ 🙂 hopefully senang la kita asuh anak2 kita ya. i just want him to be as independent as a child could be, sbb i akan salu kene tinggal2 dia nanti. kalo kecik2 dia dh bole befikir (as a kid), xdela rasa tension sgt mikirkan dia. hendaknya… amiin. u too good luck on lily ya!

  12. Diyanazman Avatar
    Diyanazman

    hafiy is so lucky to have u as a mom! 🙂

  13. Kaklong Syikin Avatar
    Kaklong Syikin

    salam,

    akak setuju ngan semua perkara yg mommy list utk hafiy tu. paling penting, kenalkan dia dngn penciptaNya kan..bacakan dia doa dsb, so dia familiar dngn perkara2 camtu.dan berkat doa mommy, insyaAllah dia jadi anak soleh yg cemerlang dunia akhirat.

    selain membaca dan melihat pengalaman org lain, kita juga akan melalui pengalaman sendiri. setiap anak berbeza karakter dia. jd usaha membentuk peribadi anak2 ini selari dengan usia pertumbesarannya.

    sapa kata jadi ibu bapa ni senangkan? dan paling penting, kita adalah teladan terbaik anak2.

    biras akak cerita, ada anak muridnya buat benda tak senonoh dlm perpustakaan. baru sekolah rendah tu. bila ditanya cikgu, murid tu cakap dia tgk filem lucah dgn parent dia. tak ke gila tu?na’udzubillah, jgnlah sampai kita berakhlak begitu

  14. mami hafiy Avatar
    mami hafiy

    diyanazman,
    no la.. i am the lucky for having him 🙂

    kaklong syikin,
    salam kak long,

    nauzubillah… ada jgk parents yg bawa anak2 tgk film lucah sama2.. ape nak jadi la…

    itu la kak. mula2 jadi parents mmg awkward, lebih2 lg bila ramai kaunselor tanpa diminta. hehe. insya-Allah, smg Allah merestui semua usaha kita ye kak.

  15. sodeska Avatar
    sodeska

    best hafiy ada mami n abiy yg bagus mcm ni… faizah pun br jek 6mths jd mama… nk yg the best jugak utk dia.. tu yg suka baca ceta2 org pasal anak diorg, how they raise their child etc… motherhood is the greatest thing! 🙂 faizah doakan hafiy, mami ngan abiy all the best and sentiasa dirahmatiNya. 😉

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