A year back, during his first few months, Hafiy was really ‘upseting’. He couldn’t be left alone, day and night, and sometimes cried the whole night. I tried several tips and tricks to make things better but it was just nothing. It was really tiring cos I never tohught becoming a mother was that hard. I thought a baby is like Spongebob, he would smile to you every second, every minute, every day. Duh! I couldn’t have enough rest, and even sleeping while swinging him on my cradle.
But after a year, reminiscing back making me thinking how naive I was. I was ‘exposed’ to the myth that ‘a good baby would sleep the whole night and wouldn’t give his mom headache’. Whatever the myth says, it’s actually not about the baby, but it’s all about the mother. A mother should not feel upset of her own baby….!!! (Cos the babies are not coming by themselves. They are ‘called’ by their moms and dads, either planned or unplanned)
Now I really can’t get enough sleep. At home, I have to sleep at least at 12.30am so that I won’t miss the pumping session just before bedtime. And I have to wake up early to pump again. During daytime, if Hafiy doesn’t sleep, I can’t sleep as well. If I stay at the SCN, I only manage to have 1-2 hour sleep. But the good thing is, I am happy doing this for my babies. I am so lucky for having that Hafiy, so I’d been trained for a 14 months before Fahry’s birth. Allah’s plan is great, right. If Fahry comes before Hafiy, I don’t know what would happen.
It’s normal for some first time mothers to feel depress when their healthy babies do not behave as what they expect. We want a baby who could sleep longer, less cry, not fussy, always happy… etc. I had a friend who even said “I feel so regret for having this baby. I think I’m not ready to be a mother…”. But as time flies, we see other moms with different kids, and our journey itself taught us to be more ‘motherly’.
I can’t and I don’t want to get a good night sleep. My head is always thinking about my kids, especially the one who is not by my side. Is he’s doing OK? Is his breathing OK? Is his oxygen level OK?
Even if his doctor said he’s OK, like what he told me this morning “He’s looking forward the right time to go home. 1.8kg, discharge” Ngee~~ But in my head still thinking ‘is the doctor telling the truth or just wanna make me feel happy???’. OMG, this could make me toss and turn!
……….but, I still can have time to sleep. There are mothers who can’t even blink their eyes to take care of their sick kids.
If you think your baby steals your sleeping hours, think about other mothers who have to sacrifice their sleep, their rest,… for their kids. At least you have a healthy baby…
If you’re not yet a mother, having baby really kills your sleeping hours. …. so…. sleep NOW! (this sentence is specially written for Puan Amylynyx. Please go to sleep)
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