The foundation of emotional healthiness and wealthiness in a family is the parental relationship, do you think so?
Our children depend on us to demonstrate them how a healthy relationship is, and also to provide them feeling of security and safe. They might need this to build relationship with others, especially when they grow up.
This is our fourth year of marriage (calendar year), and we’re gonna celebrate our third anniversary in 4 months time. Gosh, dah senior rupanya. Wakaka. I tot we’re still newly wed. Perahsan sungguh. Maklumlah Abiy still maintain, tak buncit. And myself.. masih ayu gituuu… Furthermore my KGB frens, Khaties & Cheq just started their new chapter. And Laney & Jat still maintain ‘Miss’. Mana mak tak rasa muda kan?
So far, alhamdulillah, our love and bonding become stronger and stronger. The feeling is just like when Abiy first time handed me to marriage.
As much as possible, we avoid
Contempt, Condemn, Defensiveness, Stonewalling
And put lots of
Love, Celebrating, Tolerating, Acceptance, Responsibility
A marriage is not only about relationship between a man and a woman to make a family. It is to build a house as home, a community, a nation.
We are now so busy with our own daily tasks. Sometimes we just have no time for pillow talk, especially when both Hafiy and Fahry are so fussy during bed time. In the morning, while I’m busy with any of the kids, Abiy prepares himself for work, and very rarely having his breakfast at home (usually he tapau). Sometimes I miss a ‘good morning’ kiss.
But, to me a relationship is not only about physical interaction. The must thing is heart to heart interaction, not necessarily by talking but deep feeling inside. It is nice to have “I love you” everyday, but how if we just couldn’t? Knowing that both of us need each other is more than enough.
We usually play win-win. Both of just like bolt and nut. What’s a bolt without nut, and vice versa?
- Be appreciative – Choosing me as his life partner at young age is a sacrifice from him. He can choose to not getting married, get married later, or marrying somebody else. Despite, he chose me and he went steady with me at 24 YO, still consider young for such an ambitious man.
- Celebrating differences – Both of us have differences of 180 degrees in everything. The only thing we share is – celebrating those differences.
- Be direct – Especially Abiy, he won’t consider my feeling when he wanted to say anything. But it is good. Sometimes, while we are trying to take care of somebody’s feeling, we are hurting ourselves. Worse, the somebody pun terasa hati juga. It’s better be direct and take care of our own feeling. It makes the story short.
- Give compliment – Even if it is once i a blue moon, some words of “Thank you”, “You nampak cantik/hensemlah Ayang/Abang”, are really sweet, especially after a long, busy day.
- Do something nice for no reason – When Abiy lays down watching TV and I have nothing to do, he’ll get a nice foot massage. Just because I care…
- Check in – “Abang are you sleeping?”, “Abang are you there?”. Oh, it’s nothing more than just wanna stay connected while engaging with the kids.
It’s not only because Abiy is my husband, it is because he is the father of my kids, and my life partner, so I’m trying hard to support and help him, in any ways I could. Our relationship is the first priority in my life, as it is the root of our family’s future.
And I believe that rule no 1 in couple relationship is not weather we fight or not, but how we kill up all negative interaction with positive ones.
And my doa always with Abiy, for his succeed in everything he does, dunia & akhirat.
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