i dont know when you are able to read this, what would happen to me. maybe i’d still sitting in this boring position, or maybe i’d resign and become fulltime housewife, or maybe struggling searching for a better place to work… but i want you to know that your mommy used to start her career as an engineer at KLCC. after 9 months working, i engaged with abi (should i call it ‘engage’? no fest, no beautiful outfits, just in my simple baju kurung i was handed a ring by your mbah mus, and that was it), and from that time we started thinking about my transfer.
i dont know whether it was a curse or a blessing, during my transfer period, our office underwent reorganisation exercise. the position that i should sit had been eliminated, and i have to accept whatever position available. now, here i am as a document controller*. my very first days was very hard. i had a good future as an engineer in KL and now everything suddenly disappear. my current job has nothing to do with engineering. when i told outsiders, for them it was good because i wouldn’t be loaded with lots of works. but for insiders, it was a great disaster for my future. no career progression, and i’ll stuck as an executive ‘clerk’ forever.
i applied for transfer to another section to continue doing engineering, but since they had nobody to replace me, so i had to accept. i said OK but i wanted my SKG (skill group) to remain. this is the most important measurer in my career. it was really hard, and it made me cry everynite when thinking about my career. demotivated, no mentor, no coaching, no direction…
but my persistent still, until now i kept on persuading the engineering head to give me engineering works. even if i still can’t have any, but it’s OK. at least i did my effort.
sometimes i come to the point ‘what is Allah wants me to do?’ should i continue hunting for ‘engineer’ title or should i be thankful for this documentation works? i told you, this is not where i wanted to be. you have to do what you don’t want to do and you don’t know what to do. my boss just said “you manage all documentation issues in this buildings”. what? how? who? why? every question i had to solve by myself.
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it’s very hard when you don’t have passion. i do every task in the office just because of responsibility.
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up to this point i’m still wondering, why should this happen? but i believe that everything happens for a reason. it shall be an answer. at least i know the meaning of ‘learn from scratch’. and also the meaning of life, love and sacrifice. and another thing, i dont have to worry about offshore trip since i plan to fully breastfeed you.
one thing i want you to know and remember, i sacrifice my career for the life of my beloved family.
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