now
– you slept at 2am.
– you cried when i asked you to sleep but you laugh everytime Mak Tok said “ni ape kuweh-kuweh mlm2 ni? nak jual kuih ke?” tak fahamla Mami. if only i could snap a picture…
– you didn’t wake up throughout the nite. unless a big scream at 3.25am. but went back to sleep after i pat your butt. mengigau?
kepala sapa paling besar?
– recognize people around you. you start to mengada2 everytime Mak Tok & Tok Ayah are home. wanna talk to Tok Ayah & want Mak Tok to dodoi2. you cry if you don’t get. ape dah…
– able to ‘creep’ [should i say menggelungsur] from Mommy’s body everytime i put you on my chest and lay your body beside me. without assistance!
– able to seek for Mommy’s tits. now Mommy don’t have to put the nip into your mouth during latching on. you know how and where to find.
– confidently know what you want especially feeding. you’ll scream if Mommy offer you food, you rather ask it by yourself. tgh2 lapa pn xaccept offer, nk mintak sdr jugak.
– sleep soundly in AC. everytime i switch the AC off, you’ll scream. aduila… umah Miri manader ekonla sayang….
– can stay alone. you don’t cry if i leave you alone. erk, sometimes…
– like to play with Mommy’s nip. lick, suck and leave. lick, suck and leave…
– need new clothes..
– still the cutest! oh this is undeniable.
kurus tak Mami? kurus kan? ehehe..
if only i serve the government, i might take the 5-years-unpaid leave for that purpose. but it’s unfortunate, i am not a government servant, and i can’t take the leave longer than what i’d apply, cos i am the one who is responsible to run a big project in our region, and i have to go back ASAP to continue it (now it’s handed over to my Section Head).
i guess everymom (or should i say, every working mom?) when given option, whether to work or stay at home, may choose the second one. so do i. but i have two biggest reasons why i can’t. first, i have another 8 years to complete my 10-years scholarship bonding with the company. second, i have to help Abiy in complementing our family’s income. as an office-based staff, he doesn’t get extra allowance. we can live, but without any saving if i don’t work. our company doesn’t give us any big salary as what people usually think. even our GM gets the lowest amongst other companies’ GM (right, ibu emir? hostel download free :P).
i feel jealous sometimes, to any mommy who ables to stop working and stay at home. and i feel hard to struggly working, because i NEED to work, not i WANT to work. now, even if i don’t like my position or whatnot, i still have to do my job, to be unconditionally happy and put the highest target in my career. and i have to struggly maintain my reputation even if i’m not happy with that. and i can’t lose the job, because of reasons i mentioned above.
but, on top of that, i put a target to retreat from this struggle office work at my 35, which is 10 years from now. doesn’t mean that i wanna quit job but i don’t wanna struggle just because of my ‘rice pot’ is there. i wanna be happily working, without stress and risk of being fired (fire by laser) by ‘discontented’ bosses. to get there, needs lots of hard work and sacrifice. dare to take the challenge?
by the way, we’ll soon have a maid. the drastic decision came when our most precious auntie refused to follow us and we failed to find any babysitter who lives near to our office or at least on our way from home to the office. i want you to stay as close to me as possible coz i wanna breastfeed you during lunch hour, everyweekday. then i come out with so-called breastfeeding schedule once i go back to work (other than your own demand):-
first feeding – 4.am – when we wake up for Subuh.
(in between if you request).
7.am – before go to work.
12.pm – lunch hour.
4.30pm – after come back from office.
(in between depend on your demand).
download bachelor party vegas online last feeding – 12.am – before go to bed.
i hope:-
-our maid is a good one.
-my boss ain’t fussy and understand needs of a bf mom.
-you love ebm as you love direct feeding.
-i have time to prepare and achieve my target when we’re home and i start working.
-i can go back to structural engineering line.
-everything works as planned.
and….
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