When I fail to deliver something a mother should, I felt down and the feeling of ‘i am a bad Mommy’ rushes over my head and heart. But since I have Fahry, I never let my brain put any space of the feeling of becoming a bad mommy.
Why?
If you have something you love so much, but you need someone else to take care of that thing on behalf of you, to whom will you give the custody for? To someone who could assure you that “I am a very good person, I can take care of you belongings until you want to get it back. I’ll make sure it is in good condition”, OR “I am a bad person. I don’t know how to look after things. I am careless. I am stupid, etc. etc.”. If it was me, I won’t let the second person hold anything belongs to me!
When Allah gives us a child, he wants us to treat and raise it ‘on behalf of Him’. It is not ours. Our child is His, and He will take it back someday. He gives us a pure, white, holy little child for us to take care of, to educate, to train, to love.. until He call back to Him one day, and we can expect He wants a pure person, as He sent down a pure ones.
With the analogy in the second previous paragraph, how if Allah thinks that we are not capable to take care of the lil bundle of joy, so He calls the child back. How if Allah doesn’t allow us to take care of our own children, because we think that we are bad mommies? How if He thinks we are not good enough to raise another caliph up?
That’s excatly what I feel when I saw Fahry laying down hopelessly in the incubator. I told Allah that “I can do this. I can take care of Fahry. Please don’t take him away. Please choose me to raise Fahry up and love him forever. Please don’t bring my baby away… I can be a better person, even if I commited so many sins, but I could repent. I have a big heart, I will be a good Mommy for him. Please ya Allah let me go through this. Don’t take my baby away…”.
I am a good Mommy. I am able to take a good care of my children. Even if I always scream over them, but it is because I am a mother.
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